How Do I Score 2011?

New Year is coming upon us. This is an entry I've been working on in my head for a long time. Ever since 2007, it's been pretty easy to "score" what the past year has been...



2007 - Bought our house in Westminster, found out we were having 1st child, I got promoted that year - GREAT

2008 - Noah - GREAT!!!!

2009 - Layoffs at work, our refi deal fell apart between Christmas and New Year's, and Shannon's ectopic - HORRIBLE YEAR

2010 - Pregnant with 2nd child, Work doing better - GOOD



This year...I have no idea how to do this. Darcy was born, so I can't call this a terrible year. She is a wonderful child and a blessing to have every day. But, this can't be a wonderful year. It can't be a great or good year. Because while we have Darcy, we also added this shitty member of our household too. Cancer.



I didn't post this before, because I just didn't want to talk about it or confront the situation head on...Shannon had a CT scan for post-op done on December 7th...Pearl Harbor Day, should've seen that coming. The spots in her lungs grew. In the abscence of any signs of infection, that basically confirms that it is Stage 4 cancer. Despite the successful surgery, the cancer has already spread to her lungs. This is not what we wanted, obviously. This is not what should be happening.

What happens now? Shannon is back on chemo, as we figured she would be post-surgery. But now, I think she has to be on chemo until the spots can dissapear. And that's not even a given, since her chemo treatment pre-surgery never fully removed any spots, only shrunk some. And since it's showing signs of spread, that changes the prognosis. In a direction that we didn't want to think about. Basically, they aren't considering this curable anymore.

Nobody is giving up. She has a lot of fight left, but this development just cuts us down at the knees. The thing I keep coming back to, from a perspective of how this year is...this isn't right. Shannon shouldn't have to be focusing on pills, scans, incisions, colostomies. She should be worrying about Darcy cutting teeth, saying first words, what crap she's getting into now that she can crawl like beast mode. Cancer is a thief, that much is certain. And it's already stolen a laundry list of things from our family. And unfortunately, it seems like that list might keep growing for awhile.

So tell me, how should I score this year? It's horrible to think of this year as a shit year, because Darcy's birth was something great. That's not fair to Darcy. But it's not fair that I be forced to score this year as good when we have this kind've shit from cancer. This year has brought so much loss upcoming to our family, how can you celebrate it? Shannon said she'll still toast the new year because, to be honest, next year CAN'T be worse, right? Right? Maybe right? Hopefully right!?

I think all that can be said...F*@# Cancer! You dirty rat, you can't win this war, we can't let you. Also, I'm going to cut your balls off. Maybe not today, maybe not next year, but someday, I will find a way to spit on your figurative grave, you POS disease.